I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
