I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
