This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
