Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
high people should be assigned attendants
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
