If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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