jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
