Plan B is the new Plan A
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
