I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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