i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
