She is in my trunk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am naked and annoyed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
