Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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