haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
