drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
