My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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