How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
