Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
too bad you live with your parents still
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
