We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
