I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
