my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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