Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
