I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
