I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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