dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
