Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
