yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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