If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
