A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
