So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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