When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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