I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
