dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
