I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
