Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize