i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
