dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
