don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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