dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
