fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
pop tarts are not kleenex
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
