I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize