I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
