Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
