Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize