girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
