so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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