my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
