is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
