I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
