I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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