you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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