hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
its liver damage thursday
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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