id be glad to
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
