I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
