Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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