so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
