I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
