well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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