Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
