There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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