I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
