I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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