I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
