Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i love accidental penises.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
