So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
