are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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