just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
