All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
