I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
