I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
