You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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