Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
