i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
