Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
