Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
