You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
