if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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