Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
