I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize