Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
