I'm passing your future prison.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
