he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
