Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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