dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
