break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
