there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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