I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mom said you looked used
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
