if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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