He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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