You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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