I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
