No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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