I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
