I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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