there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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