Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
