Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
