She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize