i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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