Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
