tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
