She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
