PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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