with your own penis?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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