Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
