I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
