she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
